11/100, and then the wifi died
and this country does not work
To say it rained at the weekend would be to understate the volume of rain that fell over the weekend. It rained and it did not stop. Again, I began to worry the land would slip into the sea. The earth here seems more clay than anything else, the rain exposing this as grass turns to mud and mud reveals clay; it seems to be a landscape in transition as cliffs erode and fall.
It rained, and the wifi went down and because it takes 24 hours for an engineer to be alerted to the fact of the fault and then after that alert, an appointment booked. The internet is still not working. On a train yesterday, I thought I’d get wifi, but the train was packed due to an earlier delay due to a tree on the line due to the weather and the wifi, overloaded likely, was impossible to connect to. Every five minutes trying to refresh my mail, felt like the early days of dial up.
This morning, on another train, downloading everything I need to read over the next couple of days for the times between being in my local cafe, who took pity on me in the rain on Sunday, letting me sit there while I finished an essay and sent it off as they cleared up around me.
Have missed this daily practice. Thinking a lot about practice and how it creates a different sort of time, as if it harnesses time in a new way, allowing for distinctions that otherwise wouldn’t be there. Clearly have not thought about this for long enough to articulate it, but I will. I often think I am a very poor writer or at least not a gifted one, although I’m not sure exactly what gifted means. I read sometimes of people saying things flow out of them or it just spilled out. I am not this type of vessel. I am closed, play my cards close to my chest. In life and on the page. Perhaps I am more like a clam, needing prised open. I am also a very slow thinker which is maybe why I do a lot of it at 3am, when I wake and something I’ve been thinking about subconsciously suddenly seems clearer. It’s maybe why I take years to be able to properly realise a project. I will think more about practice when the internet isn’t working. It’s a relief in a way, to have this excuse.