a long one after a long time.
Had a three day labour with my boy, also back to back. Midwives came and went, home to sleep then back to find me still there. Forceps to turn him & yank him out. These are traumatic events. It's no wonder your body remembers
"Pain and language do not sit well together. How do I tell you how sore it was when I’d never experienced something so painful before." This. "I smiled and made sure she ticked the right boxes and I passed all the tests because I like getting things right and also because they don’t test for the right things." And also this.
So beautifully written, Ali. It's so hard getting it down like this. I hope it helped x
My god Ali, the way you write makes me read with such urgency! I find I'm almost tripping over the words in my haste to move on to the next greedily. Thank you.
I feel this so keenly in my entire body Ali. Tears rolling down my cheeks as I read that accelerating / decelerating heartbeat passage. I was there with my daughter and although someone was there to recommend and proceed with a caesarean and she wasn’t born blue it was still an extremely traumatic experience. To be so close to birth and so close to death and loss is an experience that lasts forever. And wasn’t any easier to face again when my labour began with my son - who was stargazing (face first) no one would believe the pain I was in even though I’d already birthed a child (like you had here in this experience) and should know how my body can labour / what it should feel like. Women deserve better. Sending you massive love and wish I could give you a hug! You’re a wonder 🤍