or maybe I should get more sleep
This was really interesting- the idea that what you're writing about totally consumes you, and how alien it feels to be able to just tip away at little pieces of writing in the in-between moments of life.
I saw a lot of myself, and my relationship with writing in this piece. I still harbour a hope that I'll get to a stage of having a more balanced relationship with it, rather than these all or nothing bursts, but it takes incredible retraining that I often just give up on and think: maybe this is just how I write, and I need to accept it!
The acknowledgement, as well, of how important it is to know the potential for what you're writing about to really affect you and stir stuff up. In that case, the writing isn't therapeutic in itself - it can feel like trying to drag something from the depths of an ocean, something that wants to stay submerged, and there's almost a physical feeling in your body as if you've relived something. Maybe the aftermath, with the right support and processing of what came up, might be the therapeutic part.
I really needed to read this today. Not that it solves anything, but it certainly gives a very interesting perspective. Every time I sit down to write, the feeling of claustrophobia and fear that surrounded my childhood returns. I distract myself with other things... continuously. But memories and their strong connection to present follow me like ghosts. It’s push and pull all the time and feels like torture at the moment ..