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I’ve said it before, but all of this resonates so much. I’m really truly happy to have found someone who writes about relatively similar experiences. The annual reminder of a mother’s absence is a sharp punch to the gut. And it never gets any easier. Hope the pain subsides soon.

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It's always such a gut punch. So many lines in Up Late that punched in a similar way. I hope your pain does too, is a sporadic thing now, which is progress.

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Apr 24, 2023Liked by Ali Millar

Thank you so much for sharing this. The complex relationships I hold with my parents make me feel so alone so often, and though it hurts to know that others know a similar pain -- it also helps to feel less alone. Thank you again

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I'm pleased it helps. It's so difficult isn't it when you think you're the only one. That's what's amazed me about The Last Days, is learning these complicated relationships are often more common than we think.

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Jun 26, 2023·edited Jun 26, 2023Liked by Ali Millar

Thank you for sharing this. My JW Mom died about 3 years ago and my JW Dad died about a year after that. They shunned me for the majority of my adult life because of that stupid religion/cult. I was not with them when either of them passed because that's what they wanted to die alone with their "faith". I will never have closure and that's a hard pill to swallow. It truly helps knowing others are out there that experienced something similar.

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I'm sorry this happened to you too. There is some comfort in knowing others have experienced similar. For such a long time I blamed myself, and my mum too, now I realise how coerced we all were, and how so many others are in similar situations.

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I was also raised a JW and got out in my mid twenties. That cult destroyed my family. Both my parents died in the past two years and grieving them has brought painful memories to the fore. But at last my sister and I, and they, are free from that ridiculous cult.

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I'm so pleased you're free now. It really is a harmful organisation.

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Apr 24, 2023Liked by Ali Millar

Again, Ali, you speak to me with such insight. My JW mum died in September. She had refused all and any contact for years despite repeated and kind attempts on my part. The brutality of shunning did nothing to diminish my love. My JW brother (an elder of course) intentionally withheld from me news of her hospitalisation until the day before she died. No chance for goodbye and left with an ugly unresolved grief that refuses to be put to bed. I thinking about her today too. Thank you.

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That's the thing, the love doesn't go away. We aren't being conditioned either to see cruelty as love. I'm so sorry you didn't have a chance to say goodbye, it's really hard. And you describe it perfectly, it's the unresolved nature of it that makes it so difficult to live with.

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I hear you, Ali. It's awful. When we are crying out for maternal love and shout into the void, it pervades everything we do.

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I posted this today about the deaths of my Jehovah’s Witnesses parents : https://hobbsw.substack.com/p/death-of-parents?sd=pf

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